the daily thoughts and feelings of michelle.

The anticipation is killing me. They haven’t gotten the mail yet. -_- But i know for a fact they are getting them tomorrow afternoon. 18-20+ hours till i get everything taken away. D;

My boyfriend better answer his phone tonight and talk to me till the sun rises and even after that. He owes me that much since i visited him today. <3 (:

Other night to not sleep and think about all the mishaps. Woo, i’m excited. Anyways, talk with babes was cute. Wingstop with auntie and her friends was fun. Saw Gen Sy! Hahah, that was funny ;D and then Yogurt Time was yummy.

So, i went to CS practice. Ran, man i need to condition myself. Worked on all the songs. And that was that. Stayed a little for SL practice, heard their new song (: Pretty legit. Then, i asked Dylan if we could drop by somewhere. ;D

I went to my boyfriends house for half an hour. And just being with him, felt perfect. Like all i needed was right in front of me. And no matter what happens to me today, i know he’ll be there for me and wishing me the best. I missed him so much, and i finally got to kiss him once again but this time, as my boyfriend<3. After all these years that i’ve known him, i’ve finally went inside his house and room (x He kept ruining the moments we had because he was playing wow. -_- I didn’t want to leave, but i had to. Thanks again Dylan.

My parents haven’t gotten the mail yet. And i’m dreading every moment till then. Dylan left, and he might be coming later and then Josh isn’t coming. Just got off the phone with him, and he wished me luck<3.

Hm, this is it. My last day of things being okay. Ugh, i haven’t gotten into trouble in such a long time. I was doing good too..

oh well. At least i have something to smile about till they come.

They didn’t get the mail yesterday, meaning i haven’t gotten my grades yet. I know today though, i’m gonna get them just don’t know when. Till then, i just wanted to say that,

I love my bestfriends. I spent the ENTIRE break with them. And i love my boyfriend. <3 I’m so thankful to have them in my life right now.

Through all the bullshit and physical abuse i give them, they’re still there for me, literally 24/7. :P They look out for me, more than i thought they ever would / will do. And without a doubt, i’d kick anyones ass if they hurt their feelings. <3 (: I don’t even think i should call them my bestfriends anymore, they’re more like family to me. I’m close to all their parents / siblings, and they trust us with each other. They’re over at my house all the time, and we call each other kuya and ading and what not. :D I wouldn’t know what i’d do without them.

Even with all the bumps in the road i’ve made with Manuel, there’s seriously no one else i’d fucking put up with than him. He brings a certain happiness to my life that no one else can. And that’s a proven fact. I love him with all my heart, and no one can change that. <3

But most importantly,

i love my sister and parents.

I take advantage of their love, way too much. And i really wish i wasn’t like that. Last night, it killed me. Looking at my mom. And imagining the disappointment i’m going to give them today when they see how i did the last six weeks of school..

); hearing my mom talk about me to Mrs. Bennett after we all had dinner, tore me apart. She was so proud of me, spoke so highly of me. And then when she sees i had a falling out, UGH.

I couldn’t even sleep last night. Manuel’s phone was turned off or dead. I was tossing and turning, and then my ipod wasn’t working around 345 so i just layed there, staring at the ceiling till now. Dylan just got here. And then i got CS practice from 9-1130. At least this time around i know that i’m not gonna be late. Ugh, and we’re running too today. -_- Idk if the boys are gonna stick around today, or if Josh is even gonna come over. But just knowing i’m gonna be fcked for who knows how long is bugging me. I’m like so stressed out. I didn’t want this to happen. I can just hear people reading this saying, “then you shouldn’t have put yourself in that position”, something to that effect.

Well, i’m pretty sure this is my last tumblrlog for awhile.

So, i woke up at 853. Was late to CS practice -_- Showed up at 910. Worked on music, danced set. Talked with Allison and Angel. Hung out with Dylan and Josh during Spotlight stretching. Got food. The boys are here. And i just found out from someone that grades came out today.

I’m gonna die. :x I’m fucking scared to death..

when my dad gets back from picking up work from the doctors, he’s gonna get the mail and thats when all the yelling and who knows what starts.

Goodbye cellphone. Goodbye bestfriends. Goodbye Center Stage?.. Goodbye facebook. Goodbye tumblr.

Few more hours till then.

“they’re gonna come eventually, get over it.” Spoken from my bestfwiend.

So i just made myself a root beer float.

And broke half of a banana. Josh took the other half, and shoved it in his mouth. It fit. Well, like only a little bit was sticking out but he managed to fit it all. He was making me laugh, about to pee in my pants for a good two minutes. He looked like such an idiot. Then,

HE SPAT IT OUT ON MY ROOT BEER FLOAT.

What a bestfwiend he is ]: jerk totally ruined my appetite.  

that day doesn’t EVER come for him.

I love Manuel, and i don’t want him to get sidetracked like that ever again. It worries me. I haven’t heard from him since we had that talk this morning and i hope he’s doing quite well right now, with whatever he’s doing.

<333 

Dylan didn’t come back, and Josh didn’t show up. It felt good to have the nighttime all to myself, mom and dad on the comps, sisters actually listened. So, i hung out in my room. I wanted to clean, but i first wanted to figure out when i first used tumblr. Which was February 12 (: Yeah, so since i went through all the trouble on trying to figure it out on my psp and i had time to myself, i thought of reading ALL my posts. Yeah, that’s how much time i had on my hands.

I’ve grown as a typer, and as a post-er. HAHAH, that doesn’t help :P But yeah, if that made any sense. I had a really bad mouth on here. :x Sorry. I used to type in caps to get my point across, hahah. Well anyways, i saw a lot of negativity in my life throughout what i kept note of in 2009. Mostly because i was going through the motions because of the breakup. -_-

But, i’m changing my ways this year.

Last night, he actually called and i answered around 1130. It was pointless talk for 13 minutes. He got all pissy and i was just confused and making assumptions. So he hung up. It really got to me. So i texted him saying, “First off, you were the one that called me. Second, you didn’t answer my question. Third, you completely ignore me. And finally, you left me once again. Love you too. Goodnight. Thanks for ending my night like this..I can’t sleep now.” He didn’t text back within 10 minutes, and i felt like shit and i wasn’t gonna give up right there. So i called him back. He answered. But we continued to argue, me with the questions, him with the raising of the voice. So i hung up. I cried. He made me feel like he didn’t want to be in the relationship. Or that i did something wrong. Something to that affect. Fell asleep around 1, before bestfwiend called. *Sorry.

Then, my alarm went off, or at least i acknowledged it around 450, when “Meet Me Halfway” was playing. I like suddenly woke up and smiled. So, i called him. To my surprise, he answered. We talked for two hours. I said hi softly, and he apologized for the way he has been acting lately. I told him it was okay, it just made me really worried that he was like that. Somethings up. And i want it to go away, now. He told me all this stuff that was scaring me. MM, “You okay?” MC, “Yeah, i’m just thinking about us and the future.” MM, “What about us?” MC, “I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else but you. I want you to be my future wife, the mother of my kids. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, and i just want you to know that, no matter what.” It was cute. But it made me wonder, and i was scared. I let it go for the moment since he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. He told me he hasn’t been sleeping lately, and that it’s going to happen again, sometime soon. And if it happens, to snap him out of it. /: So we just ended up talking about the future, asked me when i want to marry him. I told him, whenever we’re ready. *He wants a small wedding, at the beach. Reception is up to me. Two kids, doesn’t matter boy or girl and whatnot, just as long as i’m the mother of them<3, & he doesn’t care what size home, whatever we can afford, just as long as it’s with me<333. Talked about proposal. I told him as a joke, we could get engaged now, he was all like, “I need a ring.” :D And like the whole little machine plastic ring joke. (: But what really got to me was being engaged. He was saying, “i’m gonna spend the rest of my life with you no matter what happens. I’m gonna end up with you throughout all of this.” And then- “We need your parents blessing first.” <3333 He was serious. And it made me think about the whole breakup. We’d be fine with my parents, if we didn’t have that whole falling out. Then, we talked about the whole “losing it” and what not. I told him that he’s gonna wait. And he was all like, “Of course, you’re all mine. I can wait.” <3 That made me quiver. (: then it was the lovely dovey talk. Then i don’t know how it came about but we brought up the subject again. I told him i was scared. And that it really hurt last night the way he was acting. He told me all i had to do was remind him of the future he wants with me and it’ll be okay. It made me scared as hell. I’m afraid hes going to push me away again, and i don’t know if i’ll be able to withstand it. We went back and forth about it, and i tried to not let it get to me. He reassured me, and then we were okay. He went back to sleep, and so did i.

Woke up at 9, to Dylan showing up at my house. He’s been playing MW2 nonstop since. Josh is coming, in an hour or so. So yeah, i think i’ve summed up just about everything.

Hahah, tumblr > facebook > myspace. (:

how we haven’t had an actual talk.

And things are iffy between us.

I thought things were gonna change this time around.